confusedid!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everything is utter poo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm really hating college at the moment i just need a break from it! i've been there for way to long and i feel so soffocated!!!!! I like exclamation marks!!!! But then i feel bad about missing subjects i feel really guilty!!!! I feel wat grown up past my years i'm suppose to be in my firt year but the people who actually are seem so young! ( i went to college 2 years early). I'm dropping English but now i feel like a failure! i want to succeed at college and go on to uni but i just feel like theres something holding me back i dont feel motivated any more!!




i feel like such a bad friend all of the time! I'm always cancelling things and letting people down and it's not that i mean to it's usually for valid reasons but it still makes me feel really bad! i feel like i've turned out to be a crap person at the moment and i don't know how to make a fresh start or where i go from here. i must post more for a start... it deffinatley helps! x

SO Forgetful!!!

Hmm... Thursday that means tomorrows friday yay!!! Well not really yay i think i have a pschology test in the morning but i really can't remember! I am so bad at remembering things it's unbelievable. This morning i went out of the house and thought I hadn't taken the key in the lock from the other side of the door out! So there's me thinging i had locked everyone out of the house and that we needed to smash a window or something! So i was in the libary at college waiting for a mate when i looked in my bag and found the key that should have been in the door... i can't remember taking it out!!! I scare myself sometimes!

I really feel like i'm falling behind at college which really isn't what i want to happen! I just can't ever seem to concenrate. I now find college really suffocating and i can't grow at all. Especially after going through and learning so much there already. And knowing that i've got so long left there... I'm just finding it so superficial and that people are there for a social fashion event and not to learn which was great in my first year but now i'm in my third and i really just want to learn and get on with my life. Going to college two years early does have it's benefits but it can also be a pain.

Friday tomorrow also means that i'm gunna see this guy that i'm just starting to get to know and kinda like. I actually feel nervous about seeing him again! I haven't felt like that towards someone for ages not since J anyway and well that wasn't exactly a normal relationship. Ever since what happened with him i've felt closed up and like somehtings been crushing me but i finally feel free and like i can really move on and forget about him and get on with my life. yay 4 me!!!

Just Spread Your Wings

What a tiring day.. college in the morning then straight to work til 9! Whats the point in moving the shop around i really don't understand.. just creates more work! I also really don't understand people who have dreams and ambitions but simply can't be bothered to work for them and take the easy option out. I'm saying this because i have a friend who could do so much with her life she has so many chances and opportunities but she doesn't have the motivation to succeed and it's such a shame because i really want the best for her. It's like all of those people who are brought up in council estates and as soon as their 16th birthday arrives they're putting themselves on the waiting list for another council house in the estate they grew up in. I'm not judging in anyay I live in a council house and so did members of my family growing up but i want to expand and try and live my life to it's fullest while i'm still young.. I want to travel and go to uni and just have fun away from the town i was raised in. Each to their own i suppose but it's such a shame about the ability especially in my friend thats being lost. I just think we're so lucky and there are so many life chances and directions we can take I don't want my life to go in a set path and plan my furure now, i like not knowing!

Wow a Blog!

Some of my friends have started blogs on this site and have told me to also create one
Which i am doing but i don't think i'll share it with them
I dont like exposing myself to people emotionally so i think i'll keep this to myself so i can document my thoughts and feelings without feeling to self-concious of people judging me.
Not that i would ever dream of my friends judging me it's just I have a lot of barriers and i can't let people see the real me to often. But while doing that i tend to let a lot of things build up emotionally until i become to overwhelmed and then feel run down which i have decided isn't a healthy thing for me to do! So this is why i am creating this blog - it's a way for me to let off steam and look back on my views of things and to express myself in a way that i can share with people face to face.
It will be a good way of being completely honest with myself even if i don't like what i type!
So until my next post...